Kitty Cam from Japan

Signs

A Wish

I recall a tale from the early times.

Two young hunters were out in the forest one day when they came upon a dragonfly stuck in the mud. Now their people believed that if you saved a dragonfly it would grant the rescuer a wish, so they pulled the dragonfly from the mud. Once freed the dragonfly said “I thank you, and will grant you each one wish.”

One hunter thought for a moment and then said “I wish to be the smartest man ever.” With a flash of the dragonfly wings “Now you are.”

And to other hunter “What is your wish?” The second hunter replied “I wish to be smarter than him.”

 
Another flash of the wings, “Now you are Woman.”

Pool Rules

Summer is almost here. Make sure that everyone knows the Pool Rules.

Environmental Jihad

The following is a piece I wrote  back when spell check first became available some 25 years ago. The premiss is that any group of people with a shared interest or goal will develop their own jargon.

Environmental Jihad

By ██ █████ x_Tech

Thus it was, that once having found the Peace of Quiet, that my companions and I began our Jihad. Almost at once our sensors began picking up the audio signature and miasma of the Enemy. Tracking the spore of our quarry, the Shooters of the Off-Ramp, as we had named ourselves, we soon found ourselves on the outskirts of a beleaguered condominium. Sending the FNG – as newest member of our sect is known – to recon the area, we began our preparations by downing a six-pack of sacramental brew and smoking a bowl of sacred tops. The FNG returned to report that we were up against not one but two of the Abominations. After donning our vestments, including ski masks and ear plugs, I gave the signal to load and lock. Then, having achieved a state of combat readiness, we began our penetration of the diseased area.

Moving quickly and with righteous fortitude, we soon ensnared the minions of evil. Joe Blob herded them to the center of the parking area where they stood quaking at the sight of our holy accouterments. Realizing that these were only venal maggots in need of a little reeducation, I took pity on them. Using only simple gestures of my anointed Uzi, I soon convinced them to exchange their demoniac burdens for the price of bus fare out of town.

The hairballs soon departed after a parting shot (Off-Ramp, of course) and we activated SOP 31 (The Joyous Announcement of Victory Through the Discharge of Full-Auto and Semi-Automatic Weapons).  I assigned Joe Blob and Fat Freddycat the task of inviting the condo residents to the ceremony while the rest of the faithful set about bringing the mobile basilica to full operational status.

Deploying our vans to the transepts (thus providing interlocking fields of fire), I had the FNG [offload] deploy the altar/wet bar unit. We then rolled out the sorbent tarp in the naive position to prevent contamination in the parking area. By this time the congregation had assembled and been provided with Off-Ramp Shooters and beer. The offending devices were brought forth and placed at the center of the nave. After extracting the vital fluids and placing them in EPA approved containers, we issued sledgehammers to those who wish to express themselves. Then, in veritable orgy, we proceeded to wallop the shit out of those goddamn nerve-racking, mind-numbing, screech-ass, effluvium-pissing, Shit-disturbing LEAF BLOWERS until there wasn’t shit left. And, lo the Peace of Quiet descended once more upon the land.

Off-Ramp Shooter - In a shot glass, equal parts Peppermint Schnapps and Southern Comfort with a float of 151 Rum.